You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
