I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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