I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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