I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
