when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
