wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize