He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
