i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
