Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
