I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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