The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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