I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
