There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
