I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
