Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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