walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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