Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
