i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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