I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
