I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
