Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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