he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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