I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
