I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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