***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
