happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
