dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
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he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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