oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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