The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It was like giving head to a cactus.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
