id be glad to
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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