She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
