Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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