Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
