I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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