She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
