He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
