She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
