Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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