I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I checked into jail on foursquare
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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