wrigley field is MILF paradise
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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