I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
