They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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