Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
