So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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