I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable