yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.