he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
