So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.