I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
