I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
