How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
