see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
