like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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