She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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