i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
