She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize