I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
