my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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