I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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