Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
