Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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