yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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