Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
they're like a gay fantastic four
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
